V for V-Day

Well, it's just about that time of year again: V-Day. It's one of the hardest days to get through for me, not that any of the others have been particularly easy, but sometimes it's tough. I know far worse things are happening on a far greater scale all around the world and that I do not have a monopoly on anguish and despair by any means, but it's tough to watch all the shiny, happy people float around in their supposed conjugal bliss with whatever form of relationship they happen to be in at the moment. It's tough because I used to count myself among their ranks at one time, flying along on a blind high not really caring about what was next, content in the fact that someone once repeatedly told me she loved me and convinced me that she meant it (even if, retroactively, apparently she never did at all). Maybe it wouldn't be so tough if I didn't know any better, if I didn't know what I was potentially missing; as whoever said it's better to have loved and lost...was very wrong. In this case, ignorance might indeed have been bliss. The ease with which some of us can conveniently edit out inconvenient parts of our history as a fleeting annoyance or minor irritant is a little surprising, although I suppose it's not that hard if said experience never meant anything to you at all in the first place. But no matter what kind of retroactive spin she might choose to put on it now, it did mean something to me, and I have to hope that there was some part that was good, any kind of positive aspect at all to that time in our lives, the tiniest little bit of redeeming value to what we had. I'd hate to think I was totally wasting all that time. I know previous entries in my blog have said "moving on", and I know happiness is a choice I have to make. It's not like the whole tortured poet-samurai of self-pity deal has been doing a whole lot for me lately. But it's something I think I'll always struggle with, especially on the sort of day the world at large chooses to focus on that sort of thing. So yeah, it's tough. Being this lonely isn't all that fun. V-Day...not really a fan.